Dangling… free-falling… that is how it feels. Alone, brave heart shaking, I wake up wondering what is this sensation? My breath catches in my chest. It feels as if the world is coming to an end. I search for the reasons.
Now I remember, it’s because I released my baby into the unknown. It took years of nurturing, research, writing, rewriting, choosing just the right cover. Feeling bold and brave to do this thing all by myself. Now I want to curl up in a ball and disappear. Succeed or fail, it’s all so terrifying!
And it’s not just the fact that I decided to self publish my book. It’s also because the rent it due and the refrigerator looks very empty. If I don’t pay the car payment, they will come and take it away. So, I work to pay my bills and then I come home and write and plan and dream of the day when work and writing fall under the same column.
I can’t give in to the fear. I tried that before and it left me frustrated and empty. But this fear is almost overwhelming, like I’m standing at the edge of the abyss and it looks very dark below.
So I close my eyes and draw in a deep trembling breath, believing that “I can succeed. All that is possible to anyone, it possible to me!” Wallace D. Wattles wrote that near the beginning of the twentieth century and it still holds true today.
“Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway,” Susan Jeffers Ph.D. wrote that and I listened to her words of encouragement over and over on the audio CD of her book by the same title. So, why am I still afraid?
Because I pulled away from the pack. I had the audacity not to follow the status quo and work at a job that I do not really like, doing something for the rest of my life that I don’t really want to do. Instead, I dared to follow my dreams. And my dreams are big and life is precious and short. Each day is a gift that I want to open and relish and be glad about.
It is terrifying, yes. But the alternative is monstrous! So horrible in fact that I run as fast as I can from it. To not follow my dreams is, frankly, unthinkable.
Some of you may be asking, what process brought me to this terrible, wonderful place? If you stick around, I will tell you. But be forewarned, this is not an adventure for the weak of mind or heart. You have to be very brave and completely determined. If you think you are ready, follow me.